More BlackSheep!

Hey Guys!

If anyone wants to read anymore of my Black Sheep stuff here's a link: http://theblacksheeponline.com/author/austin-cope

If you want some more satire try Local Hero Remembers to Send Fowers to Mom on Valentine's Day
http://theblacksheeponline.com/clemson/local-hero-remembers-to-send-flowers-to-mom-on-valentines-day

Or if you'd like a dumb list about best bathrooms I'd still stand by today try Plop Talk (very little actual toilet humor, forgive the pun)

Local Hero Remembers To Send Flowers To Mom On Valentine’s Day

Too often we get so caught up in the chaos of everyday life, we forget about the ones we love. But not local Clemson student Scott Sours; he sent his mother flowers.

On February 14th, Valentine’s Day, Scott gave a little back to the one who’s given him a lot. Maurine Sours awoke that morning, ate breakfast, and went about her day working in her vegetable garden. At 12:15 p.m., her husband Brad Sours heard a knock at the door while watching NCIS and quickly alerted his wife to the visitor. Maurine put down her gardening gloves and headed to the door, expecting yet another youth baseball team that couldn’t pay for their uniforms. She was instead handed a simple bouquet of ten roses with a card that read “Happy Valentine’s, Mom.”

“It was perfect,” Maurine said through tears, “To think he remembered his mother all the way up at college. I actually saw the charge on my credit card bill and thought he was buying them for his girlfriend. I never once thought they’d be for me.” Her husband was unavailable for comment, as USA was having an NCIS marathon.

We tracked down Scott while he was playing Ultimate Frisbee on Bowman. When asked what prompted him to send his mother flowers he responded, “It was simple. I love her and I wanted her to know I appreciated her. And I’m hoping she lets me go to Cabo for spring break.”

He reported, however, that performing the gesture itself, from the birth of the idea to the confirmation email, was much more difficult.

“My original plan was to give her the flowers myself, but I knew I was never going to remember that, plus that’s like a half-hour drive to Greenville ‑ longer most times ‑ so instead I just went online to some website about a month in advance and ordered them to be delivered. Honestly, I had forgotten about it when she called me up to thank me.”

When asked exactly how the phone call went he reported that he was with his girlfriend at the time, so he naturally ignored the call, getting the thank-you later on his voicemail, but he’s says he’ll probably call her back in “about a week or so.”

On the most difficult obstacle of his noble act, Scott said, “There’s just something about it that’s really hard to remember, you know. I mean, that’s why nobody really does it. When I look back I sort of can’t believe it really was me. How did I ever accomplish this? It’s surreal, you know?”

Yes it is, Scott. You’ve managed to do what so few are able to do: remember your mother on Valentine’s Day. 

Millions of mothers across America are forgotten every year, pushed aside for girlfriends or boyfriends, and Maurine Sours was just as close as anyone to becoming another statistic. That is, until Scott made that important decision that may follow him for the rest of his life. Or at least until spring break.

Congratulations, Scott, for being our hero. What you’ve done has been truly inspirational. We hope everyone can all take example of his do-gooding and do something for our mothers in our own lives, possibly next year, if we remember. We mean, we’re not Superman.

Plop Talk: A Guide To Clemson’s Men’s Bathrooms

Most guys must spend four years pooping at Clemson. While some shy away from using the cans on campus, others dedicate a portion of their college careers to finding the best toilets this school has to offer. Read on, you daring poopers.

The President’s Throne: It sits on the second floor of Edwards Hall, and it is glorious. The room is almost 14 feet by 14 feet, containing nothing but a sink, paper towel dispenser, toilet paper dispenser, and the Throne, a magnificent specimen of sparkling cool porcelain that makes a man feel like he’s entering a cloud of fresh peppermint as soon as he sits down. Its nicely painted brick makes you feel safe even whilst in your most vulnerable position.

Additionally, Edwards Hall doesn’t host a large amount of classes and many of those classes are for nursing majors, a discipline of mostly women. So one can conclude that statistically, this male-only single entry bathroom is used less than many others on campus.

The Old Abandoned: This elite bathroom is a bit better hidden. Go to the floor of the Union with the Apple Store and head up the wooden staircase in the middle of the room. Once there, look to your right and at the end of the hall there lies a unisex bathroom.

This one is so named because, one, it’s another bathroom you can have all to yourself simply by locking the door, and two, because the room itself looks less than taken care of. The paint on the walls is visibly old, almost chipping, and there’s an air vent humming loudly, either broken or majorly out of date. It’s kind of creepy, really.

Still, because both the room itself and the stall within the room can be locked you can combat the creepy feelings with added security.

Finally, this scarcely-used bathroom has almost no waiting period and an oasis of personalized privacy. Plus, because it’s technically unisex, it actually allows this article to give some advice to the ladies. So ladies, even though we know you don’t produce waste, this is a good bathroom to “tell people about.”

The Seat Beneath the Throne: The other bathrooms in Edwards Hall, on the first or third floors, are also good for similar reasons, namely an absence of traffic and their host of only one stall and one urinal, so while people may come in and out, they won’t poop right next to you, something we’d all like to avoid.

The Punderful View: One stall in Lee Hall right next to room 100 can offer you a prime seat for a great show. This stall boasts the best bathroom literature on campus—one genius person asked for people to name their poops, and now there’s a list of going on 92 punny names for people’s craps.

 

The Never Colds: Avoid any Cooper toilet as much as possible, especially those on the first floor, as well as any in Daniel and Hardin, too much ass traffic on those seats. These bathrooms embody the nightmares of public poopers everywhere. Not to mention what stains of Java City left behind you may find.

So next time you need to throw a tree stump into a small puddle of water on campus, think of these suggestions. Or don’t, and keep them sacred for the rest of us.