Sketch: Tailwind!

TAILWIND! 

Characters: 8

Setting: Airplane. 

We open on John in his seat. He is checking his watch and appears to be trying to get comfortable and close his eyes. He seems nervous because of what he is hearing.

[muttering]

Tracy

Excuse me I think that’s my seat

Dick

Oh great let me just get up

Tracy

Actually, I was wondering if I could sit there. I’m probably going to need to use the bathroom during the flight as you can see.

John has been getting more restless. He can’t keep still, tossing and turning, adjusting. Boom. A close up of a glass of water vibrating.

Dick

Oh, so you…

Boom. the glass of water again.

Tracy

Yeah, I was wondering if we could switch seats.

The words echo and John shoots up.

From far down the aisle, we see him as he rushes towards Tracy and Dick, pushing people into seats out of his way. He stops in front of Tracy.

John

What’s all the commotion about down here

Tracy

I was just asking if he minded swi… 

John

No switching.

Tracy

I’m sorry

Dick

We…

John

Do you know what this is? This is a Plane. OK. That means in approximately 30 minutes all 90,000 pounds of this beast plus the 40,000 pounds of fuel, needs to take off with all of us inside it. That drives the total up to 175 thousand… (looks at baby bump) or more. So the balance has to be perfect.

Dick

I don’t think moving over a few seats is going to make that much of a difference. 

John

Well, you see that’s where you could be deadly wrong. We’re trying to do something man was never meant to do alright. We’re in a building on its side about to be shot through the air like dart aimed at Seattle while we all pray to god we get there in one piece. It’s a delicate equilibrium at play here.

Tracy

I’m sorry. Who even are you?

John

Reveals badge. My name is air marshall John Wright and it’s my job to make sure everything here at the aft runs smoothly so those on the bridge can command the ship properly. In other words. I’m here to make sure there isn’t any turbulence. 

Tracy and Dick assume their assigned seats.

Dick

I suppose I can just move when you need to pee.

John

Hold it.

Back in his seat.

John

No one appreciates the work we do Mike

Mike

No sir I suppose not.

John

They don’t see the danger they’re in. And they never can.

Mike 

Did you have to yell at her sir, she was pregnant

John

How many times I gotta tell you mike. You can’t reason with these people. They’re cattle and they’d run over the side of the ship without knowing it. Their safety is our concern, not their pride. You’d better learn fast or those cows will eat you alive.

Mike

Sir I know I’m not as experienced as...

John

You’re like a sweet little baby bird. So young you still believe in your ability to fly. (surveys the passengers) but man wasn’t meant to fly… Hey Punk! 

Leaps out of seat

Mike

Time to fly

A passenger tries to stuff a suitcase into the overhead as a stewardess is talking to him

Amelia

Sir it’s not going to fit

Clint

Almost

Amelia

If you would just keep moving until you find an open space

John

Problem Amelia?

Mike makes his way past Sam and John to start struggling with the passenger.

Amelia

Oh, thank god John. (Leans against his chest on the verge of tears.) I keep trying to tell the man his bag won’t fit but he just won’t listen.

Mike

Sir

Clint

(Still trying) I got it.

John

(Takes her chin in his hand. Music swells.) I got this now, don’t worry your pretty head about it. Now go along and get that announcement started. You know I like the way you tell it best.

Amelia

Give ‘em hell John.

John

You know how I fly.

Mike

Sir I’m asking you to please just move a few rows back. I found a spot for you right over there.

Clint

It’s fitting

John

Son, (they immediately stop) I’m gonna have to ask you to listen to the little bird and lay down the bag real easy now. (John puts his hand on his hip to reveal a gun)

Clint

What’s everyone’s deal its almost in just give me another second and I’ll sit down.

Mike

You’re crushing the other passengers’ bags…

John

The deal is I’d clock the bag as adding an additional 35 lbs of weight this side of the craft weren’t meant to carry. Now you’re putting all of us at risk of unbalancing the sky.

Clint

What?

Mike

He’s squishing the other bags

Clint 

(Ignoring Mike) That’s a myth like the phone thing

John

Don’t you dare bring up cellphones and their wireless devil magic on this craft! Man wasn’t meant to fly! A plane’s just a building on its side being heaved like a jevelin! Slave to the winds of fate on its path to god knows where in Washington! So put the bag down. And let’s give us the best shot we have at giving us another day

Clint takes a long time looking at John and everything around him before slowly taking the bag past Mike and putting it away. One person claps. John nods.

Later. In their seats. 

Mike

You ok Sir? you look a little more shaken up than usual.

John

The man just got me on edge mentioning cell phones with their 4Gs of destrustuction. Why’d he have to go and do a thing like that?

Mike

People are saying it's not true. They just don’t believe like they use to. We just need to communicate the issues appropriately. I know its hard considering... 

John

It’s a lack of faith is what it is. And it’s destroying humanity.

Mike

That’s why we’re here. Think about The Old Man.

John

(pulls out photo of boat) I’m gonna buy that boat when this is all over. Just a bit longer. I don’t know how much more my old heart can take.

Mike

You want to do another sweep sir just to make sure?

John

Yeah I think that’s best.

Mike

(As he begins walking down the aisle) Turn your cell phones off please...airpalne mode’s fine...it’s just, listen I have a communications degree…

John composes himself and moves in the opposite direction. We hear murmurs from passengers. We see him looking around and shots to passengers doing crosswords and snoring but no phones. John stops.

John

(Calm) Hey you. Please turn your phone off or switch it to airplane mode.

We see a teenager in shades with earbuds and texting. Long pause. She removes her earbuds.

Maxine

Sorry. What did you say?

John

(Swallows) Would you mind turning your (struggles with the word) cellphone off?

Maxine

(Pause) hold on I’m just finishing up with my mom

John

(fingers gun but grabs hand away) I need backup! Baby Bird! Mike! (whispers) Not again.

Maxine

(Calm) Stop screaming. I need to make sure the surgery went ok

John

Miss I’m going to have to ask you once more to turn your phone off.

Maxine

This is way too intense. What’s your problem man?

John 

My name is John Wright. I’m an air marshall. And the problem is you’re about to take down this plane.

Maxine

By texting?

John

(gripping hand) Goddammit Mike, where are you?

Maxine

I can see she’s typing. I’ll turn it off right after.

John

Man was not meant to fly. We’re trapped in an iron coffin being flung through the air toward a cushion of safety on the eastern seaboard. Maybe. And that device right there miss could be the arbiter of our demise.

Maxine

It’s just a phone

John

It’s hubris.

Maxine

One second.

John

 (Gun almost comes out of holster) Mike God damn you.

Mike 

Here. here. What… my god.

John

It’s obvious what we’re dealing with.

Mike 

cellphone.

John

Now what? You know these things always get me. You know what happened to my daughter.

Mike

It’s ok Sir, You’re not alone this time. Now since hostages are involved we’re going to want to ask open ended questions, keep her talking, opening up. Make use of effective pauses. Pausing… Is… Powerful… 

John

Don’t make break that phone.

Mike

Mirroring can be effective

Maxine

My mom is saying she read an article that debunked the whole cell phone problem. Oh wait she’s still typing.

John

Let’s just take a minute a talk this out. 

Maxine

I still need to find out about my dog’s appendectomy.

John

We don’t wanna make any rash decisions.

Maxine

Maybe I could just call real quick. 

John

A building on its side… the air… Slingshot by a drunk 12-year-old… towards the east coast… we hope! Why don’t we just put the phone down? 

He moves to put his hand on her phone. She smacks it away and gets up.

Maxine

Get off. Stay away from me creep.

She backs away. He follows.

Maxine

(continues)

Weirdo! Freak!

John

I’m just trying to keep us all alive.

Maxine

I’m making the call.

John 

Don’t press that button. (He pulls his gun on her)

Maxine

You’re insane! What’s wrong with y…

Mike appears behind her and swipes the phone from her hand but the call is made. John reacts by clutching his heart and falling to the ground. Mike screams “John” and scrambles to end the call at which point John relaxes but remains on the floor. Mike goes to him and cradles his head.

Mike

We stopped it John. We stopped it this time. 

John blinks.

John

Great job getting behind her baby bird.

Mike

I learned from the best. The key to good communication is finding the right angle.

They smile at each other and everything calms down. John gets up and holsters his gun. One person claps. John nods.

John

All in a day's work. (To the front. He salutes.) Alright, Tom. The old bird’s in your hands now. 

We see the captain in front of the cockpit door saluting John. Amelia is holding back tears of joy.

Tom

Thank as always John. You’re a hero. Alright, folks, we’re gonna set off in a moment, but first Sam has some announcements. 

As Amelia starts the standard “tray tables up and seats locked in their upright positions…” John sits down and straps on his seatbelt.

John

Just a little longer to open water. 

Music plays as John pops a tums. Blackout.